It’s hard to remember life as we knew it the last time I sat to post here. It’s been so long. Friendships have ended, the world has faced and continues to battle a pandemic and race is front and center in our country. It is my hope that we’ve reached a tipping point and there’s no going back but who can ever really be sure. It feels like everything is politicized from believing in science to wearing a mask and even children going back to school in person. One could easily and justifiably ask, “what has become of all of us?” Are our egos so big we cannot unite even when faced with universal threats? Is racism so ingrained in America that protesting racism is now somehow unpatriotic? Only if I knew these answers.
Not all has been lost however, some amazing things have come out of this time:
I make time to meditate consistently
I work out almost daily
I’ve started running on the weekends
Gardening is a new hobby and I have quite a collection of herbs and veggies I grow on my own
I have incorporated meditation into my girls’ daily routine
My bike finally got moved into the house
Yes, more has happened as well but I don’t need to brag. Not at all. Life has become real. Relationships have been tested and only those things and persons that truly matter are given my energy. No more mindless acts or entertaining individuals just to make them feel better. No more shrinking and staying silent when I see something that is not right.
I’m starting courses at Yale next month and I couldn’t be more excited. 2020 may have disappointed on various levels but I am determined to make the best lemonade out of these lemons we’ve all been handed.
It has been a while…sometimes it takes time to fully realize all that is transpiring, this break has been no different. It seems this season of my life is all about prioritizing and redefining who is important, what, if anything, is important and why. Looking at the output of others and asking myself, ‘do I deserve that?’. Looking at my output and inquiring if my output matches my intention, where they rank in my life. Am I over allocating for those that don’t reciprocate or even intend the same? I know I am guilty of not giving enough to those that deserve it, I have began the process of fixing this.
Do intentions ever really matter? Usually it feels the end result is what we are held to; right or not.
I am brought to a mantra that came to me over two years ago…there are no wrong paths…all paths regardless of the bumps and valleys lead us exactly where we need to go and to experience what we need to move forward, propel higher and teach another. Teach another. I constantly have to remind myself of this. These trials will help another, if I let go of my ego and share. I have to constantly remind myself of that in this season as it is so easy to practice negative self-talk and fault myself for feeling, trying, being human-failing.
Can I truly grow without failing? I doubt it, it is inevitable; I will hurt others, be hurt and I will fail. I demand continual growth.
Having experienced very rare moments of peace and quiet within lately, almost unbelievably quiet within, I have heard so much. I am grateful for the introspective time, time that was not wasted. Allowing pondering thoughts to process and reveal themselves to me in ways they never have. That’s the ruse about being quiet inside, you have to be ready to hear what the Universe has to say to you.
Life has allowed a continuation of a wonderfully restorative practice with a girlfriend I’ve known months shy of 25 years and love more than most could imagine. It’s funny how you forget the value of certain simple acts until they resume and you are flooded with joy and thanks to the stars for allowing magic to occur again.
Walking into this next season with eyes wide open.
There are no wrong paths. You get as much from your losses as you do your victories…all preparing you for your destiny.