It’s been so long

It’s hard to remember life as we knew it the last time I sat to post here. It’s been so long. Friendships have ended, the world has faced and continues to battle a pandemic and race is front and center in our country. It is my hope that we’ve reached a tipping point and there’s no going back but who can ever really be sure. It feels like everything is politicized from believing in science to wearing a mask and even children going back to school in person. One could easily and justifiably ask, “what has become of all of us?” Are our egos so big we cannot unite even when faced with universal threats? Is racism so ingrained in America that protesting racism is now somehow unpatriotic? Only if I knew these answers.

Not all has been lost however, some amazing things have come out of this time:

  • I make time to meditate consistently
  • I work out almost daily
  • I’ve started running on the weekends
  • Gardening is a new hobby and I have quite a collection of herbs and veggies I grow on my own
  • I have incorporated meditation into my girls’ daily routine
  • My bike finally got moved into the house

Yes, more has happened as well but I don’t need to brag. Not at all. Life has become real. Relationships have been tested and only those things and persons that truly matter are given my energy. No more mindless acts or entertaining individuals just to make them feel better. No more shrinking and staying silent when I see something that is not right.

I’m starting courses at Yale next month and I couldn’t be more excited. 2020 may have disappointed on various levels but I am determined to make the best lemonade out of these lemons we’ve all been handed.

I’ll be back soon.

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21 Days

You screamed “what has changed?” “tell me what has changed”.

The shock of your rage directed at me.

Speechless.

I pondered answering, but didn’t.

You continued. Visibly upset. It met my silence.

There could be no other response.

Now;

unanswered for 4, 5, 6, 24 hours.

Contact diminished.

Meaningful dialogue turned into superficial conversations. Promises abandoned.

A lack of concern/attention…friendship.

You cannot require what you will not provide.

Hypocrisy.

21 days changed everything.

This reality was created and shaped by you.

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Away

Upstairs

I find myself-whole & authentic.

Safe.

Away from the spectacle that often becomes others’ reality.

I never

expected this.

But permission wasn’t sought,

no waivers signed.

Emotions on high-unrequited & raw.

Almost reckless-we never stopped ourselves.

Apologies finally uttered–too late.

Actions replayed over & over with no resolve, no understanding.

I cannot make myself

walk down.